A Thought on Love

Let me start by saying, if you have a weak stomach for all things cute, leave now (at least for this post) because it’s about to get disgusting.

Let me also start by prefacing that I am someone who could only be classified as a cynic. Someone who would, indeed, have thrown up after reading what I am about to share with you. That being said, I can now safely classify myself as a reformed cynic, because I am, in fact, in love. [cue hurling]

I didn’t expect it to happen, I especially didn’t expect it to happen like this. What I had expected to happen involved me becoming rapidly exhausted from going on countless dates and then finding someone whom I could have learned to like, live with, and eventually be happy. Really, I was looking for someone who I didn’t completely hate the idea of sharing time with–that was generally it. I knew I had dreams and plans for my life, and I knew that I wasn’t going to let anyone get in the way of those dreams. And that was just that.

But there I was, minding my own business, doing school and work and along comes Brandon who was a complete game-changer–someone who I instantly connected with, someone who spoke as if from a script because no one, no one could possibly compliment me so well, no one could possibly know this much about me after only knowing me for a day or two. Am I that transparent? Or does love-at-first sight, and soul-mates, and true love, and fate, and all that jazz actually exist? Was it just me? Am I crazy for falling in love with someone this fast? Is this real?

No. Yes. No. Yes. Yes.

This past month has been a whirlwind of near-impossible things. I’ve gone from being someone who expected very little from love, to someone who is now engaged to be married with the love of  his life.

I honestly didn’t think that these things were possible, or that, if they were possible, that they happened outside of stories or fairy tales, or that people like Brandon even existed. I find myself waking up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, petrified that it’s all been a dream–a cruel trick, an illusion–that is quickly quelled when he nuzzles into me and calms every worry I’ve ever had.

If you’re still with me, and haven’t completely died or thrown up, or run away from your computer screaming at the terrific cliche that is currently my life, allow me to tell you one last thing–true love does exist; but not in the way that we think it exists, not in the way that I expected it to exist.

We’ve seen it depicted in movies as it being the moment when all the love-songs make sense, and the stars align, and monumental happiness ensues; but in real life, it’s nothing like that. Sure I  can appreciate the songs that come on the car radio, but not because of the lyrics. I can appreciate them because we both find ourselves singing to the same part that we’ve committed to memory even though we don’t know the rest of the words. The love we feel for each other stems from the countless “me too’s” we’ve embraced as we talked about our favorite colors, books, food, or music. It stems from public hand holding, and the shared ignorance of averted glances. The way that each kiss seems like the first. The butterflies that take flight each time I know he’s on his way to visit me, or I him.

Love is much more than verse and chorus. Love is shared experience and the promise of being together for each imaginable tomorrow. Love is filled with future plans and careless wants, love is life and love is love and all that’s good in taste and air. Love is babbling, and feeling. Love is the crinkling sound of escaping air as he sleeps beside you. The thrill of dull moments that you suddenly make fun.

And though I feel this way now, I know the feeling won’t last. Which isn’t to say that it will fade, because it couldn’t possibly, a love like this can only grow and deepen. Whereas the beginning is the merry trickle of water flowing downstream, with time it will grow and strengthen. The stream will become more powerful and cut further into the rock below, shaping the landscape, until it carves out a story that can be shared with whomever cares to know about two boys, turned men, who set out on an amazing and wild adventure with nothing but brazen ideas and each other’s love to keep them forged ahead in pursuit of their lives together.

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