How do I describe this moment when the bass is too high and I’m entirely alone: on the verge of discovering a new life tenement that is about to burst from within me while I contemplate my life purpose–demanding change. Thriving for it, needing it to sustain my only want to carry on with whatever this thing might be.
Who am I? Why am I here? What is it that has brought me to this point in the grandest scheme of all things?
The answer is coming. Emerging from the tip of my tongue like a lie would from childhood. The bass begins to build and I see myself as bigger than all of this. I see myself looking down on the world–knowing that I don’t belong in it and that I have to dedicate myself in finding a way out from underneath. It suffocates me and tries to bury me between the lines, debt, and bad dreams–things that cause me to cry out into the night for my mother and father. Forcing me to cry to them though silently praying that they don’t hear me and I find another means of escape or acceptance. Maybe I could live through the pain and heartache that’s brought on by these thoughts of inadequacy, disappointment, and a sporadic sense of loneliness that seems to loom over my head eternally.
Yet the violins continue to play and their music anchors me in the midst of this ocean’s revolt against the land. Our time will not need to come again–it has always been here, waiting for us to notice and embrace its arrival. Tonight I begin.Tonight I welcome myself with open arms and commit to the great things that I am destined to accomplish.
I have seen aspects of the future–I live in them willingly. This life is dripping with preparation for our next steps. Hate and intolerance do nothing more than to distract us from our purpose. I will move forward because I know what lies ahead. I will move forward because I am my only enemy. I will move forward because I am only passing through and this moment will not stay.
I will carry on and forge ahead into that which is still unknown to me.
I will move forward.
“The Fall of Man”/ “Tsietsi”